Validation Stations

Illustration by Annick Harvey.

Technology can be a wonderful thing. 

Without it, we wouldn’t be able to connect with others the way we do now. 

The internet especially has allowed for people to come together in unprecedented fashion, connect with others like themselves, feel validated for who they are, as well as consume content that makes the individual feel happy and accepted. Like everything however, there is another side. Take everything I’ve just said and flip it. 

The internet, especially social media, can become a space where invalidation and bullying run rampant. As a non-binary individual, it can be incredibly frustrating. You like a post or watch a video that happens to be viewed by a certain number of bigoted individuals, and suddenly the algorithm or whatever thinks you’ll want to see EVERYTHING they do. This results in a sudden burst of bigoted, far-right content on your timeline, and that’s just the start. 

 For me, the floodgate opened when I happened to view an Andrew Tate YouTube short (don’t @ me for YouTube Shorts) completely by mistake.  

Swiping through the videos, I watched no more than ten seconds before realising what it was, swiping away once I knew. But the damage had been done, and where there was one, there was now two, and so on and so forth. Eventually my YouTube feed was flooded with this kind of content, resulting in me having a very invalidated and overall dark mindset for the rest of the day. Now eventually I was able to curate the feedback to something a little more me by seeking out memes and music-related videos, but the damage was done. I felt awful for being myself.  

I’m not the only person who has experienced this, and it’s not just a YouTube problem either. Facebook, Twitter, Instagram: social networks which have just as much power to build a person up as they do to tear them down. And when they tear a person down, they make sure they’re beaten to within an inch of their life. It’s not even intentional, mostly. We could talk about the how and why of algorithms behaving the way they do ‘til the cows come home, but that’s not the focus here. You’ve got the background, but what can be done about it? 

The internet is such a huge part of everyday life, so how can a queer individual make it a more positive place for themselves? 

Seek out the positivity 

So, you’ve just been hate-crimed by the apostles of a bald man who wears sunglasses indoors. 

While you could sit there feeling bad about who you are or doom scrolling, drumming in the bad thoughts even further, that won’t help you in the long run. A usually safe space is tainted by bad stuff, so let’s cleanse it and get that safe space back! 

Seek out positive queer content: videos, memes, music, whatever makes you feel happy and valid. While the hatred of others can bring you down in an instant, it’s important to try and lift yourself back up, otherwise you could spiral. 

Don’t feel like being upset is invalid, however. If you need, take some time away. Breathe, meditate, do something that keeps your mind focused and relaxed. When you feel ready, you can try engaging with something happier. Or you can be like me, delete your social apps and only go in to post, ignoring the temptation to scroll. 

Find like-minded communities 

Whilst its reputation is incredibly sullied, a site like Reddit or even Discord can be a great place to connect with others who are just like yourself. Engaging in a new community can be terrifying, but there’s nothing wrong with lurking in the comments and reading what other good and validating things people have to say. You might just find people who have shared your experience, people who have found these communities for the same reason as you. Hell, you might just make some new friends who can share the love and validation, creating your own little found family in the process. 

While communities do indeed exist to make us feel horrible, there are just as many out there to make us feel happy. The case usually is that the vilest are the loudest, so we hear them the most. The good people, the ones who want you to feel comfortable for being you, don’t scream like the bigots but they’re most certainly present. Seeking them out might just be what you need.  

Ignore the toxicity 

While this might seem obvious, it isn’t easy. Doom-scrolling is a very real pastime many of us, me included, engage in far too often. Whether it’s morbid curiosity or the mentality of making ourselves feel worse just for the sake of it, most of us have taken part in the practice once or twice. It’s not good for us, but it’s hard to stop. The biggest problem is that consumption ends up breeding more toxicity, with media thinking we like what we’re viewing and showing off more.  

It’s so unhealthy yet so easy to do and hard to stop. Try your best though, you can do it! The block and ignore functions exist for a reason. Starting the doom-scroll will always do more harm than good, it always results in the scroller just feeling worse. My advice – do your best to walk away before you start. If you start anyway that’s okay, just try to remind yourself how loved and valid you are, despite what bigots say. 

--- 

Being a queer individual can be hard, and that’s without the barrage of bullshit. 

If you take away anything at all from this article, it should be that you’re valid and loved. Screw what other people say. There’s nothing wrong with you. Your queer identity is so valid. 

For those who are in, out, questioning, or anything in between, just know that I’m proud of you. Existing sucks, and everyday can be a battle, but the world is a far more interesting and better place with people like us in it, and that’s a fact.