Identity Journeys: Stories from the Pacific Diaspora

Illustrated by Marie Bailey

As we focus on hauora this week at Massive, I took the opportunity to deep dive into the connection between Pacific ethnic identities and mental health and well-being.  

For this topic, I had the honour to talanoa with Dr. Melani Anae, Polynesian Panther and Associate Professor of Pacific Studies at the University of Auckland.  

Melani has carried out research on the relationship between ethnic identity and well-being, as well as implementing this into her university classroom and curriculum, putting the Polynesian Panther Party platform of ‘educate to liberate’ into action.   

There is a plethora of research out there that evidences the link between ethnic identity and well-being. Many of us reading this right now are the evidence of this. We are the next generation of New Zealand-borns, who have been dealt the challenge of navigating our acculturation to Aotearoa while trying to keep our ethnic identity secure and whole in the process.  

For many of us, this hasn’t been possible. Many will have experienced their identity being forcibly split to choose certain avenues of achievement. Many will have Aotearoa’s colonial and capitalistic notions of success pushed upon them. Many will have abandoned part of their identity to simply exist within palagi institutions. Many will have not have been given the chance to explore their identity at all.  

This is the reality for many amongst the Pacific diaspora, where we exist removed from our homeland, and try to retain our understanding and knowledge of our culture and language through expressions of the Pacific within New Zealand.  

Coming to understand yourself in a country that is not your own can therefore be a confusing experience. I love the term that Melani uses - identity journey – to describe the voyage one must go on to navigate their own identity throughout their lifetime. This reminds us that our identity is not static, and our perception of the self will shift and transform over time.  

This has been a breath of fresh air to come to terms with, personally. Feeling insecure in your ethnic identity can be a disheartening and disempowering experience. To be able to remind myself that I am on an ever-continuing journey allows me to keep my head up and dig deeper.  

I am a Samoan, but not a Samoan.  

To my ‘āiga in Samoa, I am a pālagi. 

I am a New Zealander, but not a New Zealander.  

To New Zealanders, I am at worst a ‘bloody coconut’, at best a ‘Pacific Islander’. 

To my Samoan parents, I am their child.  

This is the identity verse from Melani Anae’s thesis on the ethnic identity journeys of New Zealand-born Sāmoans. She explains that this is the crux of the identity journey, in that you are the child of your parents and the culture that they instilled within you. This knowledge of yourself will subsequently secure your ethnic identity.  

“Once you realise that, then you are able to position yourself in a place of empowerment,” Melani explains.  

“[Your identity] is something that can get challenged every day, its everyday racism, its everyday whispering by your brown friends that you’re not Sāmoan enough… It’s because those challenges are everyday that it’s so important for you have a hook that you can relate to which helps you to identify as whatever it is.” 

Educate to Liberate  

The work that Melani Anae does envisages a future where Pacific youth don’t have to experience these negative feelings related to their identity. Her Pacific Studies courses provides students with the tools to use their ethnic identity as a protection and buffer for negative experiences associated with ethnic identity, such as racism.  

The course teaches students the three Cs – Colonialism, Christianity, and Capitalism. This enables students to understand themselves and their heritage in deeper ways than previously possible.  

“At the moment we are a skeleton, we need the flesh of this knowledge that has been hidden from us through institutional racism,” explains Melani. 

Teaching students in ways that enables them to learn about themselves, their histories and their culture provides students with the tools for a secure ethnic identity. Currently, our institutions do not provide this type of education and many Pacific students feel insecure within their sense of self. 

Students within Melani’s course commented that through the course they were able to find balance by feeling confident within their identity. A student noted that if they did not acknowledge their ethnic identity then they wouldn’t be honouring themselves, and thus would be taken off balance within their lives.  

Without this balance, we are not optimising our full potential and are neglecting vital parts of the self. We can find balance in our identity as New Zealand-borns while still finding ways to honour and dig deeper into our heritage. 

“People don’t understand that. They put their ethnic identity at the door to become professionals,” says Melani. 

“What they leave at the door is worth gold in terms of helping the people through their knowledges.” 

In this sense, it is also impairing our ability to contribute to the work that can help our people and communities the most.  

“You have to be confident in your identity before you do the mahi,” explains Melani, “and there’s too much work to do to help our people.” 

“That’s why I did this course, to introduce that to stage-oners. A short cut for the new generation to work out who they are and then do the mahi that needs to be done.” 

It is essential that we dig deeper into ourselves and feel confident in our ethnic identities. Without this confidence, we are constantly berated with feelings of unworthiness and imposter syndrome.  

We can find healing and liberation within our cultures that will enable us to live our truest selves. Hiding your identity and culture behind the guise of being a ‘New Zealander’ does not work – it does not serve us.   

The ability to provide this type of empowering and liberating education to Pacific youth from earlier stages could therefore be revolutionary for our people.  

“This is what we have to do for the next generation is expose those [cultural values] again for them,” says Melani. “Excavate them because they’re hidden under this framework that we have to be Kiwis.” 

“That’s how you can heal is by trying to negotiate those indigenous references. Like tautua, to serve, fa’aaloalo - respect, alofa - love, usita’i – discipline.” 

It is from these understandings of the Pacific, that we will reach our optimal potential and be able to uplift our communities. We must find ways to connect to our culture and strengthen our identity. This is not just an issue of identity, but a crisis of mental health in which so many are lost within the diaspora, unable to find the hook that will ground them.  

I hope that the future sees this type of education expanded widely and implemented within all schools across Aotearoa. It is likely that this would enable Pacific students, like myself, to embark on their identity journeys much earlier than we are currently seeing.   

This piece is a reminder to myself, and to the other multi-generational migrant children of the Pacific diaspora, that the future is ours to claim. It was ingrained in my sense of self for so long that I wasn’t worthy of identifying as Sāmoan. Now, I am shaking away this imposed racism and embarking on the identity journey that has always been set out for me.  

E lele le Toloa ae ma’au i le vai. 

The Toloa bird flies far but will always return to the water.  

I write this in the hopes that it resonates with other Sāmoan and Pacific people out there who feel uncertain in their ethnic identity. I write this to affirm to myself, if anything, that I am worthy of my Sāmoan identity and all of us New Zealand-born Pacific children are valid in claiming ownership over our culture.  

I write this for all of us. Who have ever felt like we must justify or quantify our connection to the Moana.