Horoscopes - 9 May

Capricorn

The entire world isn’t against you. Infact, you’re an afterthought for most people… 

Good deed of the week: Thinking about others first

Aquarius

Your relationship with the gym is getting toxic babes! Commit or just let it go altogether.

Good deed of the week: Spotting someone failing their squat

Pisces

In the coming weeks you’re going to catch feelings. Stop before it's too late.

Good deed of the week: Being honest to yourself.

Aries

Being oblivious isn’t cute, self awareness is.

Good deed of the week: Apologising when you make a mistake.

Taurus

You are all swag humans who need no improving. Nice.

Good deed of the week: Just be you.

Gemini

They’re not busy, they just don’t want anything to do with you. Stop chasing.

Good deed of the week: Texting the friendzoned boy.

Cancer

It’s okay to take yourself lightly every so often. Have a snickers, homie. 

Good deed of the week: Laughing at unfunny jokes.

Leo

Stop being a yes man. The world will not fall apart if you say no.

Good deed of the week: Saying no.

Virgo

Leaving your dishes on the bench is so annoying you rat. Stop being a shit person.

Good deed of the week: Cleaning your entire flat.

Libra

You lost my respect when you wore jeans with sneakers. C’mon. 

Good deed of the week: Dressing adequately.

Scorpio

Being the life of the party must be tiring. Take some time out and rest up. 

Good deed of the week: Looking after your liver.

Sagittarius

This weekend go out and fuck someone. Sexual liberation, baby!

Good deed of the week: Sex.