Horoscopes - 4 April

Capricorn

You missed your alarm for the fourth time this week buddy! Head down to the Warehouse and pick yourself up a proper alarm clock. 

Anthem of the week: Evanescence - Wake Me Up Inside 

Aquarius

Don’t want to be your group's therapist anymore? Give out shitty advice and watch the world burn around you.  

Anthem of the week:  Johnny Cash - Ring of Fire  

Pisces

TikTok has a gorilla-grip vice over your life at the moment. Check your screen time for the week, if it’s over three hours, DELETE. 

Anthem of the week: Ke$ha - TikTok 

Aries

1-in-1000 BBLs result in death. This is your sign to save that cash, and get to work in the gym.  

Anthem of the week: Nicki Minaj – Anaconda 

Taurus

You’ve been through some shit this week. Don’t take anything to seriously - take a shot instead. 

Anthem of the week: Ke$ha - Timber  

Gemini

Mommy issues aren’t a good look! Get a therapist. 

Anthem of the week:  None for you

Cancer

The weather’s getting colder, and so is your heart. From now on, you ain’t taking shit from nobody x  

Anthem of the week: Idina Menzel -  Baby it's Cold Outside 

Leo

PSA: Pissing on the toilet seat, then not wiping it off is officially illegal, don’t be that flatmate.  

Anthem of the week: Coldplay - Yellow 

Virgo

Sex hasn’t come often this year, but that all changes this week! Get your sluttiest outfits ready for a week of non-stop lovin’. 

Anthem of the week:  LMFAO - Sexy and I Know it 

Libra

To find balance in your life you must take the plunge and discontinue buying blue Vs. Only then will you succeed. 

Anthem of the week: Eiffel 65 -  Blue (Da ba dee) 

Scorpio

Your bong is getting filthy king. Do your due diligence and give em a rinse for us.  

Anthem of the week: Afroman -  Because I Got High 

Sagittarius

The drinks will be flowing this weekend, our advice is to stray away from your usual box of cruisers and dabble in some finer spirits.  

Anthem of the week: Snoop Dog - Gin and Juice