Editorial: Beware the dangers of shared flat cooking

The name of the game this week is FOOD. Yum! Personally, cooking is one of the true wonders of my life. A bit of fried fish with lemon, what could compare? Cold pizza on the morning of an eye-gorging hangover, my true one love. But it’s not always a walk in the park. 

In my second year, we were young and optimistic (ah, the days before I developed under eye-bags, bless), and my flat decided to do shared flat cooking. In theory, it makes sense, right? You only have to cook once and then you’re fed like a happy, warm seal pup for the rest of the week. 

However, this dreamscape quickly descended into chaos. Firstly, the cooking had to be both gluten-free and vegan, which complicated meal plans. Not only that, but people’s expectations around quality, quantity and price turned out to be horrendously different. One person would spend $5 on a bag of rice and some beans, whilst others would spend $20-30 per meal to whip up a gorgeous noodle broth or homemade pasta. Either way is fine, as long as everyone is in total agreement about average expenditure and effort. Anything else always descends into passive aggressive group chat messages.

Don’t even get me started on portion sizes. What do you say when you only get one little tofu wrap for a meal? I know it’s hard to make big quantities of food, but my God. And then there’s the timing aspect of it all. What if you’re on cooking duty but have a hot date scheduled? Or what if you’re out at uni for the meal, and people don’t bother to save you any leftovers? Yeah. It sucks. 

Then here’s the real kicker: sometimes, people are just really shit cooks. Sorry, not sorry! Maybe I don’t want to eat your watery rice, Joe. Learn to fucking rinse the starch off before you cook it, and then we’ll talk. 

What I’m trying to say is this, flat cooking can be great but, for the love of God, please have a conversation about expectations from the get-go. Don’t get me wrong, everyone fucks up occasionally, but a solid winter of overcooked beans is enough to make you lose your mind several times over. 

Even if you cook solely for yourself, these flat talks are still, truly, essential. Think about freezer space: is there someone being a dick with their frozen meal prep whilst you can barely cram a loaf of bread in? Are spices and oil fair game? Should you do your dishes immediately after a meal, or is it okay to leave it until the next morning? 

So go forth, have some honest communication. Text your crush that you like them, whilst you’re at it. Be free my little birds. Enjoy rich, delicious, creamy food. If you struggle with cooking, or other people’s cooking, you’re not alone. Remember the golden rule: don’t be a dick, and you’ll be fine. Food is important, but so are friendships. Cherish both forever. 

X 

Caroline