Navigating The Marae as Takatāpui

For many takatāpui tāngata, being on the marae can be confronting. Misgendering, where to stand when being welcomed onto the marae, what to wear; issues like these can cause a great deal of māmae for our takatāpui whānau. 

As described by Kerekere, Toni Duder and Morgan Butler in Growing Up Takatāpui: Whānau Journeys, colonisation in the 1800s impacted every facet of te ao Māori, including our takatāpui whānau. The voices of our tamariki and wāhine were being silenced, gender roles were being carved into submissive wāhine and warrior tāne, missionaries suppressed takatāpui identity by hiding and erasing takatāpui pūrakau and behaviour, and British laws made it illegal to be ‘homosexual’ for almost 100 years.  

In Māori culture and society, one’s marae is meant to symbolise their turangawaewae, a place for us to stand and belong. However, when you put all of what I’ve said about takatāpui history and treatment into perspective, it’s not unusual that for many takatāpui whānau, they don’t feel that sense of turangawaewae on their own marae or any marae at all. 

Last year, my friend and I attended a takatāpui wānanga. We were told that during the pōhiri, we could enter in any order we wished and sit anywhere we desired. There were no gender roles assigned, and while neither I nor my friend struggle with gender roles on the marae, I can only imagine the relief of others in the rōpu who do face those struggles. The only person there to welcome us onto the marae was a tane, and he chose not to karanga (usually a role done by wāhine) which is kei te pai. However, in our rōpu, a person who wasn’t a cisgendered wahine chose to karanga in response, which was so new to both me and my friend, but so incredible to witness.  

My kare Dani Marks (they/them) shared their kōrero as a non-binary person on the marae, having been on the marae more frequently in their adult life, most specifically through completing Te Tohu Paetahi, a full immersion te reo Māori course at the University of Waikato. The presumed gender on the marae has been hardest for them to overcome, becoming particularly anxious when it comes to the harirū. 

“I didn’t know te reo, so it isolated me a bit to be at the marae,” they said. “But I didn’t feel that isolation go away until I realised it was in regard to feeling isolated because I was genderfluid/non-binary… I prefer hongī, as it is our traditional way and doing kihi, ki a au, is a misogynistic remnant of colonial whakaaro in pōhiri.”  

When asked what tips or adjustments have helped at the marae, Dani said they always contact the organiser if they have made any accommodations for ngāi takatāpui.  

“I usually have capacity to have these conversations because I’d prefer not to rock up and have the added māmae, but also because I am autistic and tend to like to know every single detail before arriving at a hui,” they said. 

Dani’s usual suggestions are:  

* Are there gender-neutral showers/wharepaku? 

* Could we use the disabled toilet/showers that are usually separate? 

* Stand in the middle of the ope coming on to the marae or where you see fit. 

* Being clear that sometimes it does get overwhelming and identifying a safe space. 

* Are there people who understand takatāpuitanga that are wellbeing officers? 

• Wear whatever kakahu you want, whether it’s pants, jumpsuit, dress. As long as it’s modest, who cares! 

Kōrero like Dani’s offers up helpful tips and adjustments that could be put into place in order to help our takatāpui whānau on the marae feel more accepted and less isolated. These adjustments aren’t only for takatāpui to take into account, but also for allies on the marae to tautoko.  

Te Aroha (she/her) also kindly reached out to me to share her experience as a trans woman on the marae, with her kōrero being really refreshing and uplifting to hear. She grew up on the marae, with her grandfather being a priest and the chief kaumatua of the pā, therefore she was raised sitting at the side of the men on the paepae. However, she describes herself as a “very obviously flamboyant and queer kid”, and recounted how there was always an air of protection felt from her nana and other kuia in the room. Tikanga was something she never struggled with, as her father’s side were always accepting of any adjustments she needed.  

“I’m lucky my grandparents never passed judgement or questioned my identity as a child and allowed me to feel safe and accepted in any wharenui we were welcomed into,” said Te Aroha. “Both myself and my younger sister are trans and grew up with very long hair, so we were welcomed as whomever we wanted to be. In Taranaki, girls wear a raukura on the marae and we were always asked where ours were by the elders.”  

Nowadays, Te Aroha rarely goes back to her marae, therefore she is unsure how she would be received today as an adult. Nonetheless, the biggest thing that helped her growing up as takatāpui on the marae was undoubtedly her elders, especially her grandparents, who allowed her to be exactly who she was. This is how it should be for all our takatāpui tamariki and is a beautiful reminder to let both our takatāpui tamariki and other takatāpui tāngata be their fullest, most incredible selves, whatever that may look like.  

“The pā is the one place we gather as equals and as whānau, and the tamariki are our future,” said Te Aroha. “My grandfather taught tolerance and acceptance and created a safe environment for me as a queer child.”  

Many of our takatāpui whānau, especially our rangatahi, are isolated, disconnected from their whānau and Māori culture, and struggling with things such as addiction, depression, self-harm and suicide. However, it’s hugely inspiring to see kaupapa come to life that guides our takatāpui whānau and beyond on a path of acceptance and aroha, such as Hui Takatāpui, an annual hui that considers issues affecting takatāpui communities.  

“There’s still a lot of work to do within our whānau, hapū and iwi and definitely on our marae which are those places which are meant to be our safe havens,” said Intersex Aotearoa co-chair Tu Chapman in a 2022 Waatea News article, Takatāpui seek change marae by marae. “We can’t do that if we don’t bring them along the journey, hence why we hold Hui Takatāpui at marae, so that we have that opportunity to embed our own kaupapa and align it with whatever iwi is hosting at that time.” 

Our takatāpui whānau deserve to feel safe as themselves on the marae, and I can only hope that this piece sheds some light on how both takatāpui and allies can make strides towards achieving that. For more resources and links related to this piece, I strongly encourage you to visit https://takatapui.nz/.  

Glossary: 

Takatāpui - an umbrella term that embraces all Māori with diverse gender identities, sexualities and sex characteristics including whakawāhine, tangata ira tāne, lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans, intersex and queer. (Kerekere, 2015) 

Tāngata - people/human beings 

Māmae – pain/hurt 

Whakawāhine - assigned male at birth but who lives as a woman 

Tangata ira tāne - someone born with a female body who has a male gender identity 

Whakapapa – genealogy 

Mana – prestige, authority, power, etc 

Te ao Māori - the Māori world 

Tamariki – children 

Wahine/wāhine - woman/women 

Tāne - man/men 

Pūrakau - stories 

Wānanga - seminar, conference, etc. 

Pōhiri - welcome ceremony on a marae 

Karanga – ceremonial/welcome call 

Kei te pai – that's fine 

Rōpu – group 

Kōrero - conversation 

Harirū - to shake hands 

Hongi – to press noses in greeting 

Kihi – to kiss 

Ki a au – in my whakaaro 

Whakaaro – thought, opinion, etc 

Wharepaku – toilets 

Ope – group moving together 

Takatāpuitanga - the lived experience and quality of being takatāpui 

Kakahu – clothes 

Tautoko – support 

Kaumatua – elderly man  

Pā - fortified village 

Paepae - threshold 

Raukura – feather plume 

Rangatahi – teenagers/young adults 
Kaupapa – plan, purpose, etc.