July 16, 2018
Issue 7 2018

Sweet our sour, is a sugar relationship really worth it?

Let’s talk relationships. Can you buy a relationship? Even then is that OK? Is it socially acceptable for there to be an exchange of money or gifts in a relationship? I mean where am I going right?  “Sugar” relationships see a Sugar Daddy or Mummy providing financial assistance to a Sugar Baby in return for companionship. Through apps and websites people right here in New Zealand can make these kinds of connections. Massive's The Unlonely Woman delves into the sweet (and sometimes sour) world of these unique relationships. 

So, I planned on testing out what it’s like to be a Sugar Baby by meeting a Sugar Daddy online. I set up a profile and messaged some Sugar Daddies. But I quickly pulled the plug. I decided I didn’t want to meet any because well, to put it frank, I freaked the fuck out. I was constantly going around in circles about whether or not I could do it. Part of me not going ahead with it was because I thought, what if I like it? Because yo, I need the money I am not going to lie. So, let’s explain my situation a bit. I have credit card debt that needs to be completely paid off by January next year. Your probably like how the fuck could you do that? Honestly, I brought a laptop and then would just buy food, smokes and petrol, but I just wouldn’t transfer the money back over…stupid mistake.

So, I picked up my ovaries and thought lets fucking do this sis. For no other reason than for my research. So, I went back on to Seeking Arrangement. A man had messaged me. Let’s call this dude Johnny Boy because I don’t know his actual name. No one uses their real name on Seeking Arrangement because that’s just fucking stupid.

Anyway, Johnny Boy and I chat, and I eventually suggest we get a drink, so we can discuss an arrangement. Johnny Boy and I set up a date. His photos weren’t that great. But you know how sometimes you see photos of people and you can just tell that they would be better in person? Well I knew Johnny Boy would be one of those people.

So, we arrive at the cafe. I sat at a table and he came up to me. Fuck me sideways this dude was bloody handsome! I wasn’t expecting that. I mean I’d fuck with him if I just meet him randomly on a Saturday night. Now he was in his forties and had a very high paying job. He offered to buy me a drink and I said I can get my own because I am an independent woman right here. But he insisted, so I was like what the heck OK. We talked for an hour and a half I am not even shitting you, it was like sooooo bloody good. We chatted about everything from his job, ex-partner, kids, travel and just life. We went to say our goodbyes because we both had stuff on that night. I hate the awkward goodbyes so I said as we went to leave that I needed to go to the loo but I’ll say bye now. We hugged and I said I’ll see you later and he said the same.

Now I had been shitting myself about going on my first Sugar Baby date. Like I had other ones planned in the past but I backed out. But I finally did it. And I’m so bloody happy I did, because honestly it went so well. Like I don’t think it could have gone any better. This guy Johnny Boy was the perfect person for me to have my first Sugar Daddy date with. He was a complete gentleman. Now the juicy part, the part you’re all wondering, is Johnny Boy my new Sugar Daddy? I mean it seems like we had an amazing date right? Well yea naaaaaah unfortunately not. He just wasn’t interested in me like that. I followed up with a message. “Hey, was great meeting you let me now if you want to do it again.” No reply… Which sucks because I thought he was cool and I wanted to get to know him more. Yes, I could get all down about it but at the end of the day everyone has their type and I wasn’t his so that’s fine. I still had a great time and appreciated him buying me a drink.

So, let’s talk more about the science behind Sugar Babies and Sugar Daddies/Mummies. There’s so many sites out there that you can use but the one I recommend would definitely have to be Seeking Arrangements. It’s one of the better ones and I haven’t personally had any problems with it. So, what is a relationship like for a Sugar Baby? Well it’s basically an arrangement. The Sugar Daddy/Mummy are looking for companionship and the Sugar Baby is looking for a financial gain.

According to Seeking Arrangements, “a sugar relationship is defined by a Sugar Daddy who provides financial assistance to a Sugar Baby”. The website explains that the dynamic of Sugar Daddy/Baby relationship is not unlike a normal dating relationship. “They can be intimate, they go out to dinner, and they spend time together”. So, unlike what a lot of people might think, it’s not prostitution or escorting. It’s a relationship between two people and it benefits the both people. In my experience I need to pay off debt and these men want me for my companionship. Whether its a coffee date, a dinner date or a holiday away. All the men I have chatted with are either divorced or have just come out of a long-term relationship. They have said they don’t want a girlfriend, but they want someone to go places with once a week because they are all heavily involved in their careers and children but still want the company. You know what, I get that. Everyone wants to go out for dinners with a friend and that’s basically what you are.

Don’t get me wrong there are people on Seeking Arrangement that are solely using it to get their dick wet in exchange for money. I’ve had people solely ask for sex. I even had one dude willing to pay for a boob job as long as he got to play with them afterwards. I really ain’t shitting you there. There are some users who have major daddy fetishes as I found out through a friend. In other words, they want you to call them daddy and they get off on this major power play. There’s some men willing to pay $1000 for a one nighter. But this isn’t what the website is meant to be about.

A rule I have is that I will not see a Sugar Daddy who has a partner or is married because fuck that shit. I am not the other woman and I never will be. I’ve witnessed cheating first hand. Plenty of my friends have been cheated on and in all honestly it is the worst feeling in the world.

This shit isn’t for the faint hearted. I spoke to a friend who was Sugar Baby for a while and she had some horrible experiences. “A man who had a daddy fetish made me say things like I love you with all my heart daddy,” she says. “He paid me $1200 for 24 hours but I left within 12 I just realised it was not what I signed up for. It was my first ever experience.”

I also asked her if she had any regrets from her time as a sugar baby.

“Meeting up with people for one off cash jobs at shitty hotels for one hour. It also sucks because I’d never want to tell my future partners about it because of the judgement they would give me”

However, it isn’t all negative, she tells me. Otherwise she wouldn’t do it.

 “When I found out one of the Sugar Daddies was married I called it quits with him straight away and as a kind gesture he put $1000 in my account to say thank you for our time together.”

I asked another Sugar Baby I have met about her best experience using Seeking Arrangement.

“My best experience was probably travelling,” she says.

“I spent a month in America and Australia I also got $1000 spending money twice a week and at this point had built a great 'relationship' with my Sugar Daddy.”

So, there you go. These arrangements can have their perks.

At the end of the day this is a business deal. You’re not necessarily going to find the love of your life or a partner doing this. That’s not what it’s for and it’s also not what these people are after. It’s business. This is not for everyone and it never will be.

I am still on Seeking Arrangement and still going on dates with Sugar Daddies because it’s hella interesting and I want you all to hear about what really goes on. I feel like so many people have this misinterpretation about what goes on and it’s not what you think. I didn’t grow up in a broken household, I don’t have daddy issues or any of that. I grew up in a loving household. I have an amazing relationship with my father who I love dearly. I’m extremely open about all concepts of my life. Am I worried that me doing this will put off any man being interested in me in the future? Absolutely fucking not. I wouldn’t want to be with a man who judges me.

To read more, head to the unlonelywoman.com