April 16, 2018
Issue 3 2018
The Unlonely Woman

The Unlonely Woman – Issue 3

Who am I? I’m The Unlonely Woman, a Massey student who decided to start a blog because of how her dick-head ex cheated her… oops, I meant treated. I blog about everything from sex, single life and feminism to life in general. But for my very first Massive column I am going to talk sugar daddies. So, sugar babies and sugar daddies/mummies. What do we know? Well I feel like so many people think that it’s just another example of prostitution or escorting. But as I’ve dived more into it I can see it’s not. First, I check out Seeking Arrangement (a site dedicated to sugar daddies and babies here in New Zealand). According to the site, a sugar relationship is defined by a sugar daddy who provides financial assistance to a sugar baby. The dynamic of a sugar daddy/baby relationship is not unlike a normal dating relationship. They can be intimate, they go out to dinner, and they spend time together.

With this in mind I thought fuck it, go on a date with a sugar daddy for the column. I previously interviewed a whole lot of sugar babies for the blog so I kind of knew what it was about. So, I created a profile and sure enough started talking to a couple of sugar daddies. 

My first connection with a sugar daddy is completely cringe worthy and I needed one of my male flatmates to help me with my responses because to be honest, I just wanted to have a shower every time we chatted. So, sugar daddy number one is 70 years old and based out of Wellington city. Our chat started like any normal convo, how’s ya day going etc. But it turned very quickly into the sugar daddy wanting me to call him daddy. Now I don’t know about you but the only person I can call daddy is my actual dad. So, it felt really demeaning like I was his pet. Sugar daddy number one then started asking if I was sub. Now if you don’t know the sugar daddy lingo, sub is short for submissive. For the column I sort of went along with it and said, “daddy what do you want me to be?” Honestly, I’m cringing just thinking about what I said. I started every message with, “hey handsome daddy” (all thanks to the help of my flatmate). Don’t get me wrong there’s nothing wrong with a bit of role play but GUMMON.

Every message got worse and worse. He kept telling me he wanted to spoil his princess - me. Now this is the part that was hard for me. I’m my own woman. I don’t need no man to buy me things. Even when I go on actual dates I pay for myself because that’s how I’ve been raised. So, when a man says he wants to buy me things it really doesn’t do anything for me. He said he wanted to provide for his princess and enjoy my company. I stopped replying the moment he asked for my phone number. Because just no. Like it’s just a no.

Sugar daddy number 2 was really sweet. We just started off chatting like you would on Tinder. Asking what each other does and so on. We chatted for a few days and in all honesty, he was actually really lovely. Not like sugar daddy number one who I felt like wanted me to be his pet. This dude was actually really enjoyable to talk, so much so I began to question myself. Could the Unlonely Woman actually become a sugar baby? Could I simply get paid to date someone who in real life I would date for free? I started getting really nervous about it all.

So, I took myself by the ovaries and asked him the main question we are all here for. Would he like to meet up for a drink to go over an arrangement, to which he said yes. Curious as to what he was looking for I questioned him further. He told me he wanted to meet up twice a month to go out for dinner and a drink, then have me stay the night at his. I asked if we would have sex. He told me he would want to get intimate like you do in any normal relationship. He offered a $1000 a month which would end up being $500 per meet up. In all honesty I froze. I pulled the plug. I never intended to have sex for money. There is nothing wrong with it if that’s what you want to do. I always say as long as your safe, happy and not hurting anyone do whatever the fuck you want. But I wasn’t happy doing this. I have a very close friend who actually was a sugar baby and my opinion of her did not change because well it helped her a lot and she’s still the strong, beautiful and independent woman I know and love.

So, what are my thought’s? Honestly, like any online dating site I guess all these people want is companionship, on their own terms. They want someone to see every now and then, just like you do in any relationship. But they want to keep it at that. I fully understand why people do this and in no way do I think sugar daddies are bad people. Like my mate says, this thing is business. My warning to anyone thinking about doing it is don’t be oblivious. Yes, they will buy you dinner, but safety always comes first. Always let someone know when you go on a date and always meet in public for the first time. For more column’s like this and previous interviews I’ve done with sugar babies head to theunlonelywoman.com.