October 8, 2018
Issue 12 2018
Google vs God

Google vs God - Issue 12

God:

When someone asks me what I think happens after we die, I straight up think of The Good Place. Despite years of RE classes, this was the greatest explanation of what I think happens after our mortal bodies perish. While many have ‘high scores’ which sent them to the ‘good place’, I believe anyone could be in the good place too...

To think our actions could lead us to either Heaven of Hell is an incentive for many to be on their best behaviour while on Earth. We are sent to the good place, where all is merry and bright, or the bad place, where Illuminati reigns and unhappiness is plentiful. The latter may sound tempting, but this is not where you should reside for the remainder of eternity. The only reason there is a heaven to be worthy of, is because of the ultimate sacrifice by Jesus. We have been destined for sin, and only through his death and our acknowledgment of his almightiness can we have any hope of accessing the party room upstairs. The idea that a ‘downstairs’ exists doesn’t faze many people, but I’d say that being good to spend the rest of my life with the man who DIED for me is pretty frickin’ awesome.

Everyone belongs in the ‘good place’. We all screw up, and we all make some mediocre decisions. What we need to do is thank Jesus, be a good person, and BAM! you have a bright afterlife. Alternatively, you could become a soul dealer. Up to you.

Googley eyes:

I just have one little weeny issue with the concept of heaven: being told that the only way to get in there and subsequently escape being tortured for the rest of fucking eternity is by worshipping someone who I have never met. I’m all for being a good person and like, not murdering people, but the idea that the only reason for being a “good person” is to escape eternal damnation? Nah son. I’d rather not live in fear, and instead just do good things because I’m not a piece of shit.

I’m not sure what I believe happens after old mate death comes for us. For a long time, I had a “when we die we die, the end” mindset, and thought that the idea of heaven was just a way to make ourselves less scared of the inevitable. But my opinions have matured like a fine wine and I’ve come to think the idea of life after death is comforting for people who have lost someone they love. It helps to believe that someone you miss so much is waiting for you. I definitely think of my grandparents and imagine them watching over me – which is also why I only have sex with the lights out. I reckon just believe what you like… who’s going to prove you wrong? Just don’t tell me I’m going to hell because I don’t live to please a dude in sandals who’s weirdly invested in who I’m fucking, thanks.