September 10, 2018
Issue 10 2018
Google vs God

Google vs God - Issue 10

God

The only controversial thing in my relationships is my internal fight over whether I should be sleeping with my boyfriend, and future-proofing my life in case my parents find out and banish me from the family. It was my full intention to save sex for marriage until I accidentally slept with my boyfriend when I was 17. I was crushed. But also intrigued. When I had ‘the talk’ with my mum when I was 10, I was blatantly informed that this thing called sex was intended for marriage, and it was never spoken of again. Despite the sincere warning, I am now leading a Hannah-Montana-esque double life – the perfect daughter, and the perfect girlfriend. But as much as I would enjoy an ‘unlonely woman’ lifestyle, the thought of ever sleeping with someone I hardly know turns me into one big goose bump, I just couldn’t do it. Unless I envision myself walking down the aisle towards his pretty face at the end of it, I ain’t going anywhere near his bed – I guess mum said something right. My guilty teen-self did some thorough research, and besides warnings against adultery and sexual immorality – which marriage is the cure of (1 Corinthians 7:2), there is no blatant disapproval of sex before marriage. Kudos if you can make it to marriage without it, but if not, make sure your partner is truly committed. If you’re concerned, give 0800 PRAYER a call, I don’t want any hurt honeys out there.  

Google

Waiting a phat 18 years before getting laid was a tough feat for sure - mainly because all my friends had been talking about doing the dirty since they were around 16 and the amount of Urban Dictionary searches I had to do just to keep up was getting exhausting. My mother has never been one for serious life talks, and that was no different for ‘the talk’. She didn’t talk to me at all about sex or anything else involved, and certainly didn’t give me life advice when it came relationships. No wonder I experimented so much when I first tasted sweet sweet alcohol. Anyway, despite my lack of guidance from both my mother and the big boi God himself, my first time was pretty respectable. It was with a guy I liked, who I’d known for a while (two weeks is a while, right?), and dare I say, was kind of romantic! However, once we ended, that’s kind of where my respectable decision making ended too, at least for a while. I guess you could call what I went on next a rampage? Whatever it was, it was fun, and I came out the other side of it happily on the whip with a bae. I’d strongly encourage everyone to go on a hoe phase tbh - call it research, find out what you like, experiment and get wild babayyy. I say do whatever you want, as long as you are protecting both your genitals and heart.